Posted Sunday, October 3, 2010 09:18 PM


Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I
stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
Ø    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the  list.
Ø    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
Ø    We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in  public.
Ø    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.
Ø    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the  cheese.
Ø    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
is research.
 Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø    Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they
can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them
Ø    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says"If an
emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
Ø    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Ø    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
 and 50 for Miss America?
Ø    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
 to skydive twice.
Ø    Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back..
Ø    Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home,  even
if you wish they were.
Ø    I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my
Ø    There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so
they can't get away.
Ø    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø    When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
Ø    You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø    Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have
no imagination whatsoever.
Ø    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.